There is a phenomenon sweeping New York City–particularly blistering downtown. I call it the “Leather Pant Invasion”. The Leather Pant Invasion refers to the homogenous crowd migrating to New York City from Southern state schools. You know of whom I speak: the sorority girls with slick-back buns and high waist leather atrocities who walk hand in hand with the average-looking finance bros who will inevitably cause the next recession. For them, Sydney Sweeney made an enormous failure of a movie—for them, there is ANYONE BUT YOU.
Anyone But You is what happens with the Leather Pant Invasion, they are a partner endemic. The film revolves around Bea and Ben (stupid movie character names) who meet serendipitously at a cafe and end up spending the night together. Misunderstanding ensues, as is common with the romantic comedy genre, and they end up hating each other. But, they cannot hate each other for much longer since Bea’s sister is getting married…to one of Ben’s best friends. They travel to Australia together. They devise a plan to pretend they are in love so that their respective friends and families leave them alone.
So, the plot’s good and well. It’s a simple enough concept for the romantic comedy. BUT, the performances are so bad, I must use a word my friend in high school once penned: horrendifying. Yes, these performances were horrendifying. Sweeney in particular spoke as though she were sedated. None of her facial expressions felt natural. I could not understand if she was meant to be neurotic or witty, but she was perennially neither and somehow a touch of both (with less of the latter). Powell had to act for both of them. I felt sorry for Dermot Mulroney, a true King of romantic comedy, who had to play (very well might I add) a bumbling, foolish father to Sweeney. It felt disrespectful to his empire, though the film desperately needed a breath of talent.
Unfortunately, a lot hangs on the female lead of a romantic comedy. Such is mandated by the conventions of the genre. It is led by the leading lady. It typically targets ladies. When your genre predecessors are Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, and everyone in LOVE ACTUALLY, you need to be…much better at acting to join the crew. I am sorry.
And another thing–the final monologue. The monologue that gets the girl to agree to be with you. It’s meant to be full of things every girl dreams to hear. Instead, Ben’s final monologue ended up sounding something like this: “If you didn’t want to be with me, that’s ok, I understand. But it would be fucking not awesome.” It was the kind of mumbo jumbo that reminds you that romance and seriousness are completely lost on this generation, that no one is able to be vulnerable, and that people lack a sort of poetic finesse even when writing dreamy romantic comedies where men and women are ten times better than the sometimes bleak reality. This movie suffered from bad writing and even worse acting. I am sorry to those who worked hard on it.
Why did it not come out in the summer?
The soundtrack was fantastic.
back home